Archive Home Desktops iTunes Visualizers Music Photographs Previous Home Pages Reader Testimonials ScreenSavers Short Stories Video


Ranked #5 on Google!

Newbound, Inc.

View Don Larson's profile on LinkedIn

Top 10 Digital Art Images

View All Digital Art

New Time Out Of Mind


NewAdventures Blog


Direct Feedburner Feed
[Valid RSS]
May 1, 2006 [ More archived home pages here ]

Chasing The Blues


This image is also available as a High-Resolution Desktop

Today's song is If You Leave Me Now by Chicago, released in 1976.

Sad is the day when someone walks out on a serious relationship. All the emotion and effort previously committed to saving it seems to have all gone to waste. Maybe the relationship should have never been? Maybe one or both didn't choose wisely at the start? Maybe one cheated on the other or allowed their bad behavior to escalate beyond repair?

Each person has a limit for how much tolerance they are willing to bear when it comes to relationship management. Once the line is crossed and feelings hurt, it's time for action to reduce the impact of the emotional harm. Some people sustain the emotional harm longer than others, much longer. I know people now who still feel the stress of staying in a troubled relationship "too long", years after being out of that situation.

I can relate to those afflicted, so I know what I am writing about. Emergence is the answer I found and the remedy I had avoided too long. The hardest part about emergence was acknowledging the need to be honest with myself. I finally came to this understanding years ago:

I need to be true to myself before I can be true to anyone else.

Until we learn to be honest with ourselves, accept what we contributed to a troubled relationship, we can't truly emerge from it. Blaming others isn't going to work; that's called denial.

I know, denial is the most likely way that some people choose to deal with things that bother them in one way or another. Whatever! One day they might see the light instead of continuing in the denial of it, where they currently find the illusion of comfort.

The American divorce rate continues to remain about 50% of marriages. Who knows what the breakup rate is for those people that live together outside of marriage? Perhaps they have a higher incidence of breaking up because they haven't made that personal commitment that marriage requires.

Relationship security isn't in the marriage license, or in the marriage vows, or implied during acts of passion. That security can only manifest itself in the heart of each partner, providing the actions they exhibit are supportive of their relationship.

I wonder how happy some people are that breakup one serious relationship and become involved with another. What do they bring to the new relationship? Do they bring the positive lessons they learned from their breakup or do they inflict their prior negative experiences on their new mate? I would hope they bring the former, otherwise what have they learned?

How do people involved in breakups react? How long and ongoing was the planning for "moving on" and what role did such plans have in the eventual breakup? What changes in life are made to adjust to the new opportunities? Those are just some of the questions outsiders consider when they observe a relationship breaking up.

No matter how much time passes after a serious relationship ends, the experiences during those relationships are part of a person's life. They cannot run away from those experiences. In one way or another the effect lingers within them either making them a better person or a bitter person. Do they chase the blues away or embrace them?

If our culture embraced the acceptance of the blues and sought out the stories of those impacted, perhaps we would be a more understanding nation in that regard. Instead, our culture frowns upon (persecutes?) those that share their stories. It's "culture denial" in its most hypocritical form.

Knowledge abounds on the subject of the blues because virtually everyone suffers from the them at one time or another, but we are taught not to share that knowledge. The result, in my humble opinion, is that the blues hurt even more because the person suffering from them feels their situation is "unique". Nothing could be further from the truth.

One of the ancient biblical Proverbs tells us that there is nothing new under the Sun. That pearl of wisdom written so long ago, should be emphasized to us when we are learning to talk as infants. Instead, we are either ignored when we hurt or taught to repress our feelings, discouraged from communicating them. Strange that "the blues", so common to the general population, leaves us feeling alone and unique when it happens to us. As if we were the first ones to ever experience the blues.

My wish is that people experiencing the blues find true happiness and then help others find it too. Tell their own story to others, how they were once blue, but turned that experience around to something positive and new.

---

Thirty years ago on Saturday, May 1, 1976, I was awarded the rank of Blue Belt (shown below) in my martial arts class. It was my second advancement from the time I started training in November 1975.

The effort and training to progress upward from Yellow Belt in our class was significant. One requirement to advance in our class to every rank was providing training to lower-ranked students. I did a lot of that because my commitment to my Sensei was (and remains today) very strong.

I enjoyed the imparting of knowledge then as I do now. My teaching focus at that time was on understanding the physics of Judo and how to impart "Fall-and-Roll" techniques. I was always delighted to see a new student begin to evolve as part of their path unfolded. I learned a great deal about personal motivation every day I attended class.

I enthusiastically chased that Blue Belt because I knew it represented a commitment. Many new students only advanced to Yellow Belt and never further or left soon afterwards. Wearing a belt color other than White or Yellow indicated dedication. It paid off in many ways. In May of 1976 my Sensei awarded me a special medallion for my contributions to the Martial Arts (shown below). He rarely awarded that medallion to anyone. In the thirty years since, I remain the only student to have received that medallion below the rank of Green Belt.

I continued to work hard on my next advancement in rank. After receiving that special award, more was expected of me, as a student, as a teacher. I endeavored to do my best and the outcome of that is the setting for another story later this year.

One year ago, Sensei and his son stopped by my house for a visit. We are shown together below.

Don


This page was last built using Radio for Mac OS X on 4/25/17; 8:33:28 PM Pacific Time.
Time Out Of Mind.Com content is © copyright 1997 - 2017 by Donald W. Larson. All rights reserved.