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March 2, 2006 [ More archived home pages here ]

Introduction: From A Heart Not Healed

Two songs today are on my mind as I write this message. Carrie-Anne by The Hollies, released in 1967. I always liked that song from the time it came out. You'll understand further down on this page when that name is revealed in another place. Also for today, Time Of The Season by The Zombies, released in 1969. That song is especially remembered for its first-time lessons of life.

With respect to first-time experiences, this version of my home page is different from all the others. This time I reveal some insights into my life, how I came to be an artist, how I came to operate this website that is very popular and read around the globe. I write about one new project of importance to me.

For many months I have been working on my book. I have several draft chapters and images that I want to include. I want it to be a story of my life and the lessons I learned along the way. I created a book cover (shown below) and a powerful excerpt from one of the chapters. There's a well-written introduction that explains the reason behind the book to pique the interest of the reader.

I created a two-page introduction (pdf) for my book, From A Heart Not Healed: Acknowledgment of Lies, Deceit, and Abandonment, consisting of the cover and an excerpt from one of the chapters. The substance of that book is described next.

A modified version image is also available as a High-Resolution Desktop

I had my share of unfortunate circumstances and on the other hand, great circumstances along my life's path. In order to impart the knowledge gained from them, I felt I would need to first provide the examples where life was tough and unfair, in my humble opinion. Then from those situations, I sought to express the knowledge and wisdom gained a few years ago from their retrospective and my accepting nature of the truth concerning those earlier misfortunes.

For the most part, my artistic talents emerged quite by accident. It was during the MacWorld January 1997 that I purchased the software program, "Bryce" and started learning how to use it. For three years I created some images, but they weren't very powerful in what they expressed within me. It took two events in the year 2000 that changed my life forever for that to happen.

In January 2000 my elderly mother passed away at age 83. During the funeral and for weeks afterwards I started feeling the urge to create new images to help express the feelings I had inside. I did create several images at that time and I discovered the ability to depict images along with narratives to describe what I felt. I find it curious that a profound personal loss led me to a profound personal gain.

I now think of that period as, "stage one" in my progression as an artist. I still had much to learn and much inside to reveal. But I would have to feel those things inside first. I didn't have to wait very long to feel them.

In September 2000, my life was impacted by an email that seemed innocent enough at the time, but would soon be the catalyst to a new transformation not only as an artist, but for me as a person too. Those forthcoming changes would take almost two years to complete and much of that time was a painful period of my life.

It was during the most painful months that I found I could create images and write the accompanying narratives that really captured the feelings struggling for emergence and understanding within me. That's when I found the inner access to my true artistic talent.

I decided early on in the process that I would make much of what I was going through, public in one form or another. I did that so that I could not retreat from the goal I set for myself. Had I kept the issues to myself, I could have quit on myself at any time. By going public, by putting that stake in the ground, I knew I would do whatever it took to see the issues through to their resolve. Along the way my art flourished and helped me touch others in the process who wrote to me about my work.

The web site I managed during the years 2000 and 2001 was not the best place for me to express the full artistic expression within me. The new knowledge I gained about myself and the interests of my readers needed a new place with a new theme to properly serve all involved. In the Spring of 2002, Time Out Of Mind was born and has blossomed in these last four years beyond my expectations.

I've thought a great deal about being a storyteller. One of the impediments I've found is that even with all the art and life experiences I've written about, I don't have the common thread between those expressions sufficient enough to garner enough of an audience to do storytelling at this point in time. I've been concerned that I was not making progress and I wasn't sure what to do. Then one day last year, I went for a walk along the beach in Carlsbad.

For several hours I sat and walked by the beach while my iPod shuffle piped my most favorite music into my mind. As the time went by I found myself coming to a new realization and felt a great calmness within my spirit. I didn't have the answer yet, but I knew from similar past experiences that the answer would not be long in coming. That day, the answer manifested itself. Now is the time to write my book, it's time to tell my story.

My story will be a semi-fictionalized account of my life who lived through some very turbulent times and the people who helped and hampered me. I will draw from my own life and those of others I knew to create the story. I will cover the early years of my life, my teen-age and young adult years, and the period between 2000 and 2002. Some names will be changed as is typical in such stories.

I believe that if my book is successful, then I will then have the platform and channels of information and marketing to proceed as a storyteller. If my book fails, then perhaps I'll reexamine my opportunities and options at that juncture. For now, my inner-being says, "write the book."

It is my expectation that this book will explain in-detail some of the driving forces within me. To help shed some light on what motivates me and what lessons might be imparted to the readers from the content in the book. I have a couple friends who are emerging authors. Some of their efforts inspire me. I hope to learn from them as their own writing careers succeed. I do not know how long it will take to write my book. Right now I plan on six months to a year of occasional pen time. The book will include some of my art images to supplement the story.

This book will not be something I will be rushing to complete. Therefore the other interests in my life will not suffer and I accept that the book may take longer than six months to finish.

You may read some of the chapters of this book as I write them [link since deleted].

To those that caused me pain in my life, you were forgiven by me a long time ago. For some of you that I hurt back then, I have already communicated my apologies in written form and they were delivered to you by mail years ago. I did my best to balance the ledger with you with those communications. My mind, heart, and soul are clear on those accounts.

As a pathfinder, I go where my interest lies; where the path has not been trodden before me. So don't look for me on the well-traveled roads -- I am not there.


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