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In the many years this page has been viewed, many people have emailed me and I forwared each one on to Janie for her review and consideration. Recently Janie indicated that these days she wishes to keep her time to herself and family and not be further involved with her prior public life as a singer. To accomodate her change in perspectives, I am removing parts of this story. Please do not email me with the intent of reaching Janie, I must respectfully decline to respond.
Prologue -- 04/03/2002
I sometime experience very strange and interesting situations. I have had many psychic experiences and many situations leading me to feel there really is such a thing as, destiny in my life. Some people have more effect on me than others.
One of the people who affected me was a young girl named, Janie Grant. That was her stage name during her music recording career in the early 1960's. One of her songs, "Triangle" tugged on my soul in 1961 when I was eleven years old.
The story of how that song played out in my life is below. I wrote the original message below on September 9, 2001 on one of my old web sites. It was around that time that I had a culminating realization of where I came from, where I was, and where I was going for my remaining time in life. Portions of it are edited to fit better and make it more readable. The essential message remains unchanged...
On December 6, 2001, Ronnie Allen, broadcast a live interview with Janie Grant and her producer, Gerry Granahan from the WBCB 1490 AM, Bucks County, PA studio. It was Janie Grant's first interview in 38 years! I called in to the live show and spoke with Ronnie, Janie, and Gerry.
Update: -- 09/06/2002. Janie Grant sent me an image today of herself when she was 18 years old. Janie gave me her permission to reconstitute it within a 3D art creation of mine and publish it. Further down the page is that graphic image I created today upon this page's restoration to this site.
A Year of Circles and Triangles -- 09/09/2001
There are many ways to mark the passage of a year. The calendar indicates the twelve unequal segments of that period and depending on where one lives, nature's seasons help us measure the duration.
My last year has primarily been measured in emotions. I have felt so bad at times I wondered if I could go on. I felt really elated at times and glad I was alive. In the interim I learned a lot about myself. A number of people helped me through and many of them I did not know at this time last year.
What started out as a general feeling of, "What am I doing with my life?", melancholy soon escalated to deeper, more insidious feelings of doubt, anxiety, and loss of identity. The 45th anniversary of the passing of my father pushed me down for a while; until that anniversary passed. Guilt I retained concerning the VietNam War finally was expressed privately to a number of friends last January. Their words assured me that whatever I felt about, "The War" was okay. The War ended in my mind, heart, and soul soon after. Understanding how and why I failed during my first year of college allowed me to move on past that sad experience. I always wondered why I have a "straight A" average since then. Now I know why.
The biggest impact on my life in the last year started with an email I received on September 11, 2000. Here it is below with specific information changed to protect identities.
This is too weird. Came upon your high school paper. Karen ** is my cousin. I have been searching for her for years. Her father died in the Korean War - my uncle Bob. Please contact me as soon as possible. Another amazing thing - I also am a good friend of Jack **, Fred **'s brother. You mention Karen and Fred in the same sentence!!!!! I can't believe it. Could they have known each other?
In and of itself, that message is innocent and I treated it that way. I responded to the sender and waited. After waiting a month I wrote back asking if they got my initial response and if, indeed, they would like further discussion. I had no way of knowing the powerful underlying feelings that would soon be painfully exposed with the conjunction of: thoughts about my life's goals; my father's death anniversary; college regrets; the War; and then, the surfacing of old feelings regarding someone I once knew and once loved.
During this past year, I often spoke with people about what was disturbing me as I hashed through the "Cloud" that hung over me. I spent whatever time was needed to relive and re-experience every aspect of that cloud. I found the person asked about in the email. I communicated with her and discovered in late June that she doesn't remember me due to an auto accident in 1979. A fitting finale in retrospect, The Hand of God at work.
I now can accept all the revelations of the cloud. I made it through the rain and I'm still standing. I'm not the same; I'll never be the same again. It is not good or bad that I'm not the same; it's life.
Many good things happened in this last year too. I met a number of new people and some of them online. The InfoNode, on a small scale became a conduit of humanity. I reached out to the world and people reached out to me. There are stories on the InfoNode whose momentum is still ongoing. One of my long-time friends is back with someone after 29 years of being apart. Someone who was once a stranger to me found someone special and reconciled a childhood romance after 35 years. I wrote about my bike shop recollections and the family of the bike shop owner responded to me.
Then there is the following piece that sort of sums up life to me. This story started when I was eleven years old although I had no idea then it would come to be explained in this way.
In 1961, I heard a song and it touched my soul. At the time I did not know the name of the song or who made it. I believe it made it to the top 30 of the charts at the time so many people had forgotten it over the years. The name of the song is, Triangle, by Janie Grant.
Around 1964 was the last time I heard that song on the radio. I used to sing it to myself every now and then and still do. During the time when I was in love for the first time (1968-69), I used to think of that song when certain events seemed like I was living the song. Strange how a song can invade one's heart with the degree of registration surmounting to reality.
Through the years this song haunted me and it was not until the Internet and Napster that I found out the actual name of the song and the artist that made it. I wrote about that experience. Now all may seem complete with regard to that aspect of the story, but it is only a partial beginning.
I thought I was the only fan of that song. I mean I could find no one else who recalled hearing it. The song meant a lot to me and I thought I understood my connection with it. I was way off base.
In February 2001, I received an email from Janie Grant after she found the mention of her on my site. We exchanged a few messages and then fell out of touch.
Later in 2001, I received an email from Ronnie Allen who was also a big fan of Janie Grant and especially the song, "Triangle". Ronnie has since sent me numerous and long messages and it reminded me, in style, of some of my public and private writings concerning the "Cloud". So once again I am involved in some small way of promoting an interface between other human beings. This time it's with a whole new perspective! ;-)
Ronnie was able through me, to contact Janie Grant. He even spoke with her by telephone! Ronnie and is so overjoyed that he called me last week and we spoke for about an hour. He did most of the talking which is a rare event in conversations I'm a part of. :-)
There is meaning to me in all this. What started as a song by 16 year-old Janie Grant in 1961 has swung around full circle with insights, motivations, and parallels to me and perhaps others too. For several decades I never quite understood why I liked, "Triangle" so much; why it effected me and how it related to me at different times over the past 40 years. Now after this last year of my life, it makes perfect sense to me. I was supposed to do everything in my life I have done: all the good things; the bad things; the mistakes; the losses; the gains. Everything brought me to who I am today -- a person just starting out -- fresh.
Thanks to Ronnie, Janie, and all the others for helping me understand my last year and the part I play as one-six-billionth of the world's population. Thanks to all who have touched my life, past and present, regardless of the impact or result.
I'm a person who believed in the power of circles. It isn't easy to turn the corner after this last year, so I've come to also believe in the power of triangles and other shapes as well. May the power of life's geometry be yours to explore, enjoy, and share.
Update: September 2005: In celebration of Janie's birthday, I created this mp3 song for her.
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